Just Stand Still

Fuerteventura!

Ancient Isle of good fortune. And fierce winds.

Fitting that this is where I find myself. Christmas Day 2017. Small piece of volcanic rock preventing the pages of this book from fluttering hysterically.

Beating sun, whipping wind competing for my body temperature.

 

Fitting, but of course, no accident.

She sent for me.

 

And long before I could see the sequence of stepping stones; perfectly synchronized, accurately timed, never-by-chance events and incidents that led me here.

The ocean beckoned, the wind whispered. And I heard her loud and clear.

It’s only now, aware of the abrasive sand ridding me of the skin I am due to shed, that I understand why.

 

Breathing, cleansing, absorbing, expressing.

The salty air is laced with a taste I am blessed to be familiar with.

 

I’ve been here before. Not this beach nor even this island. But here.

Where demons dance, shadows reveal themselves and Little Steph, the me still bearing the weight of unresolved, undiscovered pain, begins to feel the shift.

 

Each chapter in your life will require an ascended version of you. So here we are.

 

Tentatively treading an imaginary tightrope. Though the feels feel real.

Tremors! Tension! Tears!!

 

But I am without trepidation. Because I know this place.

 

I’m familiar with the force that bought me here.

 

She winks at me from the ocean and dances in my hair.

And if there’s one thing she’s taught me, it’s that resistance is futile.

 

Surrender I must.

 

I thank her for the looking glasses. The prisms in which the light splits and true colours are exposed in all their glory.

 

Even though it often hurts, to see the truth. To have it sear straight into ones soul, eyes prised wide. Nowhere to hide.

I’m lucky enough to know what’s on the other side of the inferno.

 

She’s taught me that much.

 

So I thank her for the looking glasses in all their forms.

The people, the places. Anonymous faces. I see myself in them all.

 

And even when the reflections hurt, when my pain is uncovered and exposed, for the salt to wash my wounds I am grateful!

 

That’s the thing about darkness. Once exposed it disappears.

 

And I, every chakra in my being, am designed to be a vessel of light.

 

So I’ll stand strong on the uneven terrain and I’ll let her shake me and take me and make me the way that she will.

And I will just stand still.

 

Breathing, cleansing, absorbing, expressing.

 

The roll of the tide relentless as the beat of my heart.

A push, pull on both.

 

None of natures navigational signs have gone unnoticed by me. Indeed I’ve followed them faithfully since she first stirred my soul. As though they were the only thing I know to be true. Often they are.

 

They speak my language.

 

Which is an enormous comfort, in a world often foreign to me.

 

And so it is that I, cradled in soft sands blown in from Northern Africa and to the sounds of dancing palm leaves am able to recognise this place.

 

To know where I am.

And more; why I’m here.

 

Into the furnace we go!

Adios Amigo!

No room for ego.

 

It is time once again to shed the layers that no longer serve us.

To offer them to the wind!

The fears, like shackles on the mind.

The pain, like armour on the heart.

 

A half moon smiling in agreement, she knows.

The sacrifice is upon us.

 

It’s time to let. go.

 

So I’ll let her shake me and take me and make me the way that she will.

And I will just stand still.

 

 

 

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